You Can’t Always Get What You Want

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Today is Mick Jagger’s birthday. July 26th. A day I always remember since I grew up loving & idolizing him. I fell in love with his music at a very early age, since my sister was always playing her Stones albums.

I recognized the power and poetry of some of their lyrics, as I was discovering my own voice and ability to write poetry. I thought about him as I walked through Central Park.

pburgh defried hall all of us

Mick was my imaginary high school boyfriend, since I was too shy & troubled to have my own. He shared in my college experience as his music was always playing on my cassette recorder, and as I realized my dream of seeing him in concert for the first time in 1989, while I was a sophomore.

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His music played while I had the joy of giving birth to my daughter, and helped as tears went by through many miscarriages. He helped me navigate through a world that seemed to be painted black.

r & ryan walking sc

After my 19th nervous breakdown, I was able to give birth to a son, and we moved to sweet Virginia.

We seemed to be getting what we wanted. A nice family & place to live. Walks in the park, summer vacations, and nice visits from Grandma & Grandpa.

Then one year ago today, July 26th, we lost Grandpa to pancreatic cancer.

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This date now takes on a different meaning. It is a sad reminder of the joy & fragility of life.

We are saddened that we didn’t get more time with Grandpa & that he couldn’t watch his grandchildren grow up.

We are out of time, but we are not out of love.

mick bw vintage harpers bazaar cover

And as I sit here playing my Stones songs today, I will think of Mick, and I will think of Grandpa.

And I will remember that though you can’t always get what you want, if you try sometimes, you can still get & spread all the love that you need…………..

RIP Grandpa. We love & Miss you

Kathy ❤

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Chasing Butterflies

memorial peace sign design no cp

Chasing Butterflies

I’ve been thinking a lot about butterflies these past 31 months. I have written about them, cared for them, wrote poems about them, created many memes of them, and created a pretty butterfly memorial garden at my daughter’s school in honor of the 26 Angels of Newtown.

Ever since Dylan’s mom, Nicole Hockley, referred to him as her “beautiful butterfly, and then said the following: “there’s a saying that if a butterfly flaps his wings in one place it can cause a hurricane halfway around the world. And I said that Dylan and all the others that died that day were now our butterflies and that they were going to drive change across the country, if not the world,” they have become a part of my vernacular, and a part of my heart.

Butterflies are believed to be the embodiment of a person’s soul. They are also seen as a symbol of rebirth and transformation.

And as I sit here remembering the events of July 20th, 2012, my mind is once again brought back to butterflies.

I was once again reading about the 12 victims of the tragedy, and thinking about them & their families, when I came across an article in the Denver Post.

There were two survivors of the Aurora tragedy who have to live with painful reminders of what happened every day. Ashley Moser, who lost her 6 year old daughter, Veronica, as well as her unborn child, is now a quadriplegic.

Another one of the survivors, Caleb Medley, who was an aspiring comic before the tragedy, suffered serious brain damage and an eye injury, and underwent three brain surgeries. He requires a feeding tube, has severely impaired movement, and can no longer speak.

He is continuing to improve through his physical therapy, but he & his wife, Katie, are unsure of what the future holds.

This 2014 article in the Denver Post, briefly describes their journey, and speaks about her recent tattoo:

“A butterfly tattoo dominates the inside of Katie’s right forearm, a piece of body art she had done about a year ago, after the first anniversary of the theater shooting.

Within the butterfly is the Batman logo and the date of the tragedy: July 2012.

When she approached the artist, her idea was just to have him create a small butterfly and leave it at that. But he seemed to grasp what she was looking to say, made a few suggestions and then did the whole thing freehand.

Now, she’s thinking of getting another tattoo, perhaps a replica of Officer Grizzle’s badge, in recognition for his part in saving her husband’s life.

But for now, the butterfly serves as a simple statement — a symbol for all that transpired, including details on which the family remains silent pending the outcome of the criminal case.

“For me,” Katie says, “it means new life, newness out of the Batman symbol of what happened to us. The butterfly is supposed to be new, starting over.”

After reading this article I will also think of Caleb and his wife whenever I see a butterfly. I will hope and pray for his progress, and for his happiness. I will hope that his family thrives.

I will also think of all of the victims of Aurora, Newtown, Columbine, Tucson, and Virginia Tech. I will think of the survivors of these tragedies, their families and friends, and I will send a silent wish to them as they continue their transformation to a life they never imagined, nor did they deserve.

I sit back and think of the many butterflies that I have seen in my life. As a child I gravitated toward them as they enjoyed my mom’s rose bushes. I ran, fluttered, hopped and skipped after them, as I hoped they would lead me toward peaceful dreams.

I’m still chasing after them, and I’m still hoping they will lead us all in the direction of love, happiness, and peace……………………♥♥♥

Kathy
Poetologie
Nuts About My Son

Twenty Six Seeds of Love for Newtown

*the names on this memorial peace sign represent the victims of the following tragedies:

blue- Aurora
green- Newtown
purple- Virginia Tech
dark purple- Columbine
red- Tucson

may they all forever rest in peace…..

Countrysongnia and the New Year (from Dec. 2014)

guitar song meme

I have been experiencing some trouble sleeping the past few weeks. A few days ago I experienced a certain type, in which I inexplicably am able to write country songs while suffering from insomnia.

This has happened to me once before and I wrote a song called “Memory Lane.”

The funny thing about this is that I grew up in NYC and have no ties to the country. I have mostly listened to Classic Rock my whole life & rarely listen to country music, though I do like it.

I am more much more hippie than country. Maybe moving to VA is having a tiny effect on me?

I am not excited about getting insomnia again, but I am excited about my weird, unexpected new hidden talent.

I will enjoy it, and I will enjoy expressing my emotions in a new way.

I hope all of you enjoy the year’s end & the upcoming year. I hope you discover great hidden talents, and wonderful treasures.

But, I hope most of all, that you find lots of love, happiness, health & peace in 2015.

Here is my new “countrysongnia” song entitled “The Guitar”

The Guitar

I walked along the streets of the Village
cold, hungry, and feeling alone
I spent my last dollar on you
I wanted to become a rolling stone

I bought my precious guitar
some extra strings and some picks
I carried you on my back
hoping my life you’d manage to fix

you were the first step toward freedom
and mending what life had torn apart
you gave me strength and love
and helped heal a broken heart

………………………………………………

Refrain:

thank you for being a symbol of
what it means to be free
I don’t know what I’d do
without my guitar, kayak and poetry
…………………………………………

I spent many years carrying you,
while I travelled around,
tried many jobs and men,
til’ I put my feet back on the ground

and though I never learned
to play your acoustic strings
I’m grateful I have you
and the message that you bring

Repeat Refrain

I have written many poems
and kayaked many waters
and one day I’ll pass you down
to my dear, loving daughter

and I will tell her this tale
of broken hearts and broken strings
and of how she must believe in herself
and how kindness trumps fancy things

Repeat Refrain

But for now I see
that you are gathering some dust
I will try to live once more
and not be in such a rush

I will learn to play my guitar
as life doles out the chords
I will love and live life well
and at the end hear the applause….

Kathy ❤

Poetologie

Nuts About My Son

Twenty Six Seeds of Love for Newtown

© KS 2014

The Song Without a Name

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I must have lived a past life as a country songwriter.

This is the 3rd country song I’ve written.

It is so funny, because I’m mostly a classic rock fan & part-time poet, but these songs keep coming to me out of nowhere & I can totally picture the song & tune.

I believe this one came to me because of all the Tim McGraw pics I’m seeing from the Concert for Sandy Hook Promise, and the love I’m feeling through them………….♥♥♥

The Song Without a Name

I can’t be a writer,
until I do a little living;
I can’t be a saint,
until I’ve done a little sinning.

I can’t be a giver,
until I’ve felt what it’s like to need;
I can’t be generous,
until I learn to control my greed.

I can’t help those who suffer,
until I see we are all the same;
I can’t learn to love you,
until I learn to be humane.

I can’t truly be happy,
until I learn to love myself;
I can’t spread this happiness,
until I love someone else.

I can’t get stronger,
until I continue to walk my path;
I can’t learn to really live,
until I learn that it won’t last.

I can’t accept my fate,
until I care about yours;
I can’t be part of humanity,
until I stop shutting the door.

I can’t be part of the world,
until I care about who’s in it;
I can’t learn to love war,
because no one really wins it.

I can’t try to change my world,
until I try to change myself;
I can’t live in harmony,
until I stop blaming someone else.

I can’t truly end this song,
until I say to you;
just do your best, and love each other,
and in the end we’ll all pull through.

I can’t really find a title,
so this is the song without a name;
I can’t be ready to leave this Earth,
until I leave it better than when I came….

Kathy
Poetologie
Nuts About My Son
Twenty Six Seeds of Love for Newtown

copyright 2015

The Voice in the Breeze

newtown rams pasture 2 geese green

You walked through a nightmare,
you have troubled sleep;
you tread very slowly,
and have many secrets to keep.

But you keep on walking,
each step is so brave;
you’ve cried so much, that your pillowcase,
is now torn and frayed.

Each tear is a memory,
each tear falls with hope;
that you will overcome this,
that you will learn how to cope.

With a pain and understanding,
that you shouldn’t have to bear;
but please hear my voice,
and know that I care.

I am the good in the world,
I am the voice in the breeze;
I will follow you, and love you,
and answer your pleas.

If you listen very closely,
you will see this is true;
that kindness surrounds you,
and helps you pull through.

You will learn to hear it,
this voice in the breeze;
you will follow it, and eventually,
answer another’s plea.

But, you will still feel the darkness,
try to draw you in close;
so reach out to others,
and the ones you love most.

For life is a journey,
of a hundred million steps;
some are easy, some take courage,
but just try to do your best.

And realize how special,
and how beautiful you are;
you can do anything,
and you will travel far.

And, as the miles,
start to cover what once was;
you will look back,
and remember all the love.

For love does not fade,
just like the voice in the breeze;
believe in yourself,
and you will learn to be free.

Now try to rest your head,
and please listen to me;
I promise you will be okay,
Love the voice in the breeze….

This poem is written for/dedicated to all of the children of Sandy Hook, CT.  It can also apply to many others facing trauma or adversity.

Kathy ❤

Poetologie