A Father is…

A father is a cushion to lay my head,

when things seem dark and dreary;

A father carries me up to bed,

when I’ve grown very weary.

 

A father reads me a bedtime story,

and hugs me when I’m scared;

a father is one who is by my side,

and who always seems to care.

 

He is there to close my window,

and to sing an old Irish tune;

he is there to let me know,

that I am his stars and moon.

 

 

A father lives, a father gives,

me all the love he possibly can;

he is silly, he is my joy

he is my favorite man.

 

A father is there to life me up

each time I inevitably fall;

A father rushes into the room,

each time his name I call.

 

A father is the one I love,

a father is my best friend;

he will always be in my heart,

on that he can depend.

 

So thank you sweet darling Dad,

for all you’ve done for me;

my love for you is greater than,

all the stars in the sky you see.

 

Poetologie ❤

 

 

Today I’ll Take Care of You: A Letter to My Family

It is a quiet Saturday morning in April. Rain falls softly outside, and the streets are covered with cherry blossom petals. Though all of you are sick with a virus, it is a good day.

Today I am able to take care of you for a change. Today I feel okay. I have the strength to make you some eggs, toast and tea. I’ll bring them to you in bed, and plant a gentle kiss on your forehead.

Today I will make some of my homemade tomato sauce that you love, and its magnificent aroma will fill the air. I will bake those nut-free vanilla cupcakes that you’ve been asking me to make for months. We will play Scrabble for hours since my brain is less foggy. We will cozy up on the couch and watch a great family movie.

I will be the mom/wife that I want to be every single day. The mom/wife that is not too sick to care for you, to cook for you, to be present for you, to explore the world with you. I will cherish this day, and pray for many more like it.

My many chronic conditions include Asthma, Lyme Disease, Fibromyalgia, Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis, Anxiety and Pre Menstrual Dysmorphic Disorder.

Any one of these conditions are enough to make life difficult to manage and cope with, but together they are often debilitating.

You see me wince with pain, so you help dry my tears. You see me tired and hungry so you bring me food. You see me unable to do chores so you help do them for me. You see me suffer, so you bring me my medicine.

What you don’t realize is that you provide the best medicine in the world. The medicine I need the most.

Love.

You provide it in daily doses of hugs, teaspoons of tenderness, and soothing scripts.

There is no better prescription for happiness. You make the tough days tolerable, the painful days palatable, and the crazy days comforting.

You are there for it all, and help me get through the unavoidable rain. You rarely complain, you just want to help me feel better.

I appreciate every single thing you do for me. I appreciate all of the sacrifices you make. I appreciate your constant companionship.

It is nice to not have to feel so alone in this long journey of chronic illness. In this long journey of life.

It is nice to have all of you by my side. My sweet family. I love you more than words can say.

Today I’ll take care of you.

Today I promise to keep fighting to get better so that we will have many more days together in sickness and in health.

Today it is my turn to provide you with some comfort, warmth and unconditional love.

Rest your weary heads.

Mommy is here.

And I will be here until the last cherry blossom petals wash away.

 

 

 

 

 

The Love Letter I Wish I Didn’t Have to Write

Sunday is Valentine’s Day. The twelfth one I will spend with my husband. We are so lucky that we met. We are so lucky that we are still together. But, I wish things were different.

Here is my love letter to him:

To my kind, smart, funny, patient and geeky husband,

We met in geek heaven. You were my loyal Samwise Gamgee, I was your elusive Elven Queen. We planned on spending many happy and healthy years together, despite me having a few health problems such as Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis and Asthma. We had lots of energy when we met, we had lots of plans.

We had a child quickly due to our age. We tried to have a second one for five years. You stood by me throughout my five miscarriages. You cared for me and our beautiful daughter when I did not have the energy to do it myself. You helped mend my broken heart.

You were there to exuberantly welcome our son. You stuck by me while I sorted out my Pre Menstrual Dysmorphic Disorder post pregnancy.

You always kept up hope that things would get better. That my health would improve enough for us to start planning things and start living again.

Then disaster struck in the form of Lyme Disease. For the last 2 1/2 years, it has been our Mordor. Difficult to navigate, impossible to climb. We felt like little Hobbits alone in the wilderness, and like Samwise, you never left your Frodo’s side.

I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did. I understand the sacrifice you make every single day to be with me. It is very hard on you having to work full time, be my caretaker, and help take care of our two young children.

It sometimes takes its toll. I can see it in your eyes. I can tell how tired you are. I wish I could lift your burden. I can’t wait for the day when I am able to.

You fight to keep hope alive for me and for our children. You strive to keep making us laugh, when you probably feel sad inside. You brought me many meals while I lay in bed for nearly a year. You bring me my medicine. You are my lifeline. You are my best friend.

Sometimes Obi Wan, you are my only hope.

When I grew up, I dreamed of the man on the white horse. I longed to meet my prince, my Sydney Carton, my Romeo, my Aragorn. Men who would love me more than anything else in the world. Men who would protect me and do almost anything for me. Men who would give their lives for me.

But none of those fictional heroes could hold a candle to you.

You prove to me on a daily basis what a true hero is. He is not from a work of literature, he is not a big action movie star, he does not have to be bigger than life.

He just has to be like you. Genuine, compassionate, faithful, flawed, and wonderful.

You prove to me daily what true love is. It is not flowers, it is not gifts or chocolates.

It is loving someone with every inch of your soul, without losing sight of yours. It is moving on from other things, and opening up new doors. It is sharing in their joy, and helping them through their pain. It is helping them see the bright side of things, throughout the constant rain. It is hope for the future, and nostalgia for the past. It is sticking by someone’s side, and making your love last. It is baby steps, and windy roads. It is full of light, and heavy loads. It is endless happiness, and times of tears. It is how I intend, to spend the rest of my years.

I am sorry that I do not currently live up to the expectations that I set for myself as your wife. I did not intend to suffer from so many chronic illnesses. But I did intend to love you with all of my heart.

I do intend to get better. I do intend to make many things up to you when I do. I do look forward to that day.

But for now, I want you to know I notice all of the things you do for me. I know how much you sacrifice to make me happy. I know that you silently pray at night for me to feel better, and for my pain to end. I know you wish you could take it away.

I see it, feel it, hear it and treasure all of it. Even though I do not always acknowledge it.

I am writing this letter to show my appreciation for all that you have done for me, and all that you will do for me.

I hope you know how much I love and admire you. I hope you know how glad I am that I chose you to be my husband. I hope you know what a great father you are.

I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Happy Valentine’s Day.